You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
