Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
