At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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