He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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