porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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