smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
