the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
