pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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