I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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