I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
