How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She bit a glass in half.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
