I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
