too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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