We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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