batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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