All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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