i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
