I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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