Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
