I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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