There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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