At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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