If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
