Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
