the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
