We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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