If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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