In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
