Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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