dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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