it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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