At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
