i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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