so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
