I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
