There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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