i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
