K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
