New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
