When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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