I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
