Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Your cock deserves a montage
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
