I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
