how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
