I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
