the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
