My hair reeks of homosexuality.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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