oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
