i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
