Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
