Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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