I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
