what day is it and did you see me today?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
